I'm Sorry

I'm sorry for the words that I say,

I'm sorry if they offend you.

I'm sorry for my actions,

I'm sorry if they harm you.

I'm sorry for my history,

I'm sorry if it disgusts you.

I'm sorry that I don't love you,

I'm sorry that I never loved you.

I'm sorry that I don't respond to you,

I'm sorry that I don't care to.

I'm sorry you mean nothing to me,

I'm sorry I haven't told you.

I'm sorry for what I speak about you,

I'm sorry that I lie to you.

I'm sorry that you trust me.

I'm sorry that she is better than you,

I'm sorry I forgot to tell you about her,

I guess I am just sorry.

Await the doors

As people await the doors to open at their stop. 

Some are smiling in excitement for their destination.

Some dread the place they are heading. 

A collection of smiles mixed with frowns within the bodies, and confusion takes hold of a couple.

Maps take recognition for the lost. 

Cell phones are scanned by the eyes and watches get a quick gander.

Children cling to the parents and groceries rustle in the hands of the owners.

Local papers are folded and books are shut. 

The eagerness of these people await in their bones. 

By the time those doors swing open... 

Everyone disperses, like throwing a handful of marbles onto the cement. 

The grass of the ocean

This train moves in motion, the type of movement that catches railings and sends you swaying side to side. Like the under water grass in the ocean, controlled by the waves. Unable to feel, unable to breath. The passer by just stares with their beaty eyes, questioning the existence of man. They swarm the submarines like bears on honey. Escaping like bubbles from an oxygen mask. Their educated mutters sound like grunts and sighs. Each strand of grass grasps onto the nearest rock holding on for dear life. This is the movement of the train.

Animated

I write to you as if I have gone away to war. Anytime that I have for myself is spent thinking, writing, dreaming of you. I sit and smoke cigarettes and write letters to you, crumpling and tearing the ones that are not up to par for your viewing. Each one delivers a new thought that has sparked within me. Strokes of my pen glide over the paper pressing my thoughts with ink as if it was my brain laying it on the table. My ears numb the sound waves around me and my vision only focuses on my page. The world stands still when I write to you, as if I step into an unknown world of memories and recollections of you. The kind of world where these words dance on my paper, thoughts are sitting next to me sipping coffee, and my dreams are walking amongst the people. My soul rises and walks through the park talking to birds and swimming with the fish. Climbing trees and crawling on spider webs. Galloping with horses and floating with butterflies. Hiding in bunny holes and having tea with badgers.  My soul develops this kind of animated life for you. 

Come experience this world with me. 

This Room

This room is cold and damp

There is no windows and no walls

There is no food to eat and nothing to drink

There is nothing to do

My vision is going white

My hair is falling out

I look to you

But cannot remember why.

"Independent Study"

You know those women that look like the stereotypical home school moms? This is how you know, long stringy brown hair, usually with a part down the middle or ugly bangs, wearing glasses. They wear those shirts that look like they glued a bunch of random shit to the front of it, like bows, buttons, and little plaid hearts... They wear those Levi's that are some what cool but they are from Mervyns and just look a little off. The shoes that they wear coincide with their favorite subject (like anyone could possibly love a particular subject like they do) wearing either sandals with straps that velcro over the top or those running shoes that were three dollars from a garage sale. They wear denim jackets or knit sweaters that should have ever been in fashion. You can always pick them out of a crowd in a heartbeat. You know their hobbies are: knitting, sewing, scrap booking, gardening, doing multiplication, completing puzzles, and trying to prove home schoolers are cool. Home school moms are bad but home school kids have it rough, first of all the only person they ever get to know is there mother and they think she is normal (which is sad). Home school moms will always be against such things as alcohol, cigarettes, tattoos, art, good music, funny jokes, and anyones ideas that aren't hers. Good luck to home school kids because their moms should be admitted...

Wishes

When you see a bird soaring through the air, what is your first thought? "I wish I could fly." Why would we want to be like a bird? They can't walk, can't speak, can't think. We only want to fly because we have never flown before. Don't you think it is just has tiring as walking? It's not like a bird doesn't have to do anything in order to fly. If we were able to fly we would complain just as much about flying as we do walking. We want to fly because why? Because it is cool? Why can't we just say "How cool is it that I have legs and can walk." You ungrateful people disgust me.

For You

I can be your shelter. You can take refuge in me. I do not want to live for you, or control you. I purely want you to know that I will be here for you know matter what. You may not want to press on and that is why I have been placed here, to help you along. You can use my sleeve as a tissue if need be. I will catch your tears and comfort you with warmth and gentleness. I will speak words of wisdom as much as I can. If you do not want to talk we can sit in silence. If you wrong me I will forgive you. If you let me I will embrace you. If you do not want any of this from me then I will just BE for you. 

I Used To

I used to doubt the words from your tongue.

I used to twist your words to use wickedly.

I used to use you for my own self loving.

I used to gloat about what we did.

I used to hate the way you made me feel.

I used to dwell on what you might be doing.

I used to fear that you were right for me.

I used to think you would forget about me.

I USED to think a lot of irrational things.

Love Obtained

If home is where the heart is than I am in San Diego, physically I am in England though.

See I realized the love I longed for wasn't in substances or alcohol or even meaningless friendships.

The love that I found has been in front of my face for years, just waiting in the crowd. 

The love I found is in a young woman twenty years of age. She is an artist with ambitions and goals. 

She dreams more than ten sleeping men. Her goals are set high enough to work towards but not out of reach.

She has blonde hair at the moment that is chopped at her neck. Her eyes are a beautiful blueish green, the kind that sparkles in the sun and glistens in the moon. Her body flows like the ocean, moving freely among the fish. 

She can be as quiet as a hummingbird or as loud as a woodpecker. She chooses her words carefully, always knowing what to say. 

She comforts me in times of need and challenges me in the time of life.

She has been in front of me for years yet I have just found her.

We have rekindled a fire from the ashes of our past.

It is fresh like the daily picking from the local fisher men, but old like a book that has been on the shelf, untouched for months.

She is my love, the kind not many will obtain.

She is MY love.

One, Two, Three, Four...

If I was to try and count all of the things I love about you it would be 

A little bit like going to your local sand covered island 

And trying to tally up all of the grains.

You wouldn't know where to start.

Do you start in the middle? Or do you start in your favorite area?

Do you pick them out in handfuls?

Or do you use tweezers?

Some are hidden just waiting for you to discover.

I don't think our number system even goes high enough to tally up all of your beauties...

GROW

Some people take a while to hear the calling for what they should do with their life and some people know from birth. I think that people who find the path that they were called to walk later in their life appreciate it more. For they had to struggle to find it. They had to make mistakes and U-Turns. The one who knows from the beginning never has the struggle of the world. 

So I say do not be down because you do not know yourself yet, you shall instead rejoice that you are developing character and growing stronger. If you are never tested then how would you ever become solid? By being tested you see what needs change and what needs work. So do not stand idling, go out and challenge yourself. If you never ask why then how will you ever know the answer?